Lessons from my 19 year old self
The other day I bumped into a friend as we were walking into church. My jacket was slightly hanging off my left shoulder from the weight of my diaper bag, I was carrying a baby on my right side and on the inside felt like I had just been dragged through a marathon in the mud. As we were walking into to the service, this friend and I quickly said hi and that it was great to see each other. I complimented her and she quickly responded saying something like, “you’re so pretty, and when I’m a mom I want to be like you.” I was definitely thrown off and not expecting her to say that. If she only knew what it took for me to get to that service. If she only knew that just a few hours earlier my husband was diagnosed with the dreaded shingles. For the last week he has unknowingly put all 3 of our children in danger of chickenpox and all of the adults around him in danger of getting shingles. He was told that he should check in to a hotel to stay away from everyone! It was a blow, a big one. It was one of those, “when it rains, it pours” series of days. Nonetheless, my friend was saying I was pretty and basically that I was a good mom. I’m convinced that the brief exchange I had with her was not by accident. I believe that God put those words in her to say to me at that exact moment. He knew I needed it.
2015 wasn’t starting out like I had hoped and lately it has been easy for me to see the worst in situations, rather than find the good. I feel like I have been treading water in the middle of the ocean with my head just barely above the water. The worst part about it is, I feel like I have been doing everything “right” these last few weeks. The twins are FINALLY sleeping through the night and I am no longer breastfeeding. It was the LONGEST, BEST 14 months of my life, but I’m so glad to have the twins on somewhat of a schedule that allows me to slot out some time to spend with Jesus. There have been many mornings where I feel like I have a “successful quiet time” and then when everyone wakes up it all seemed to unravel.
I have been relentlessly asking God to help me get out of this rut. I’ve been asking Him to show me a different perspective on life right now so that I can feel more like I am conquering my world one day at a time and less like it is conquering me. A few days ago my eyes popped open at 6:00 am so I got up and began my morning routine. Right in the middle of doing the same things I always do in the morning I began clearly remembering myself about 10 years ago. Details all of a sudden came back to me clear as day. Memories became realities for a few minutes. I got many pictures of prayers that I prayed and certain desires that were in my heart. My 19 year old self was a completely different person. I believe God was showing me myself 10 years ago because He wanted to show me more about Himself and His faithfulness. As a 19 year old Bible college student, I undoubtedly had tons of life lessons to learn. A clear desire in my heart and constant prayer on my lips was that one day I would live my own personal fairy tale. My focus was on pursuing Jesus, and I had clear goals set in place at that time. One of my consistent prayers was that I wanted a loving husband and cute kids in my future.
Back to that morning when God so gracefully shifted my perspective. As He was showing me tons of pictures of myself from a decade ago, I began realizing that amongst all of the troubles and situations of life, I am currently living in a season of answered prayer. The truth is, during the last couple of years I have gotten lost in the routine and craziness of each day. I forgot that years ago I prayed and fought for these very moments in life. It brings so much freedom and joy to realize I am living in a time of answered prayer. The prayers I prayed back then are being answered now, in a way that is better than I could have imagined. Wow. Thank you Jesus.
All of this put things into perspective for me. God answers prayer.
Whether you feel like you are best friends with Jesus or more like acquaintances, do you have answered prayers that have gone unoticed? Take a moment and ask God to help you remember the things you’ve prayed, cried or even yelled at God about. Whether He has answered your prayers or he has had you wait, I can guarantee you God is orchestrating your journey in the most perfect way.
He wants nothing more than to gently and gracefully show you how faithful and loving He is. Life by no means is perfect but when you willingly decide not to let disappointment, discouragement, or impatience get in the way and take a moment and thank God for the journey so far, life can get a little happier and proper perspective comes. Remember, that you’re still here, stronger than you were yesterday. If you allow God to be in the drivers seat of your life He will ALWAYS do what is best for you and your future. He wants you to come to Him and rest so He can help you remember how far He has taken you.
Here is a song I love that you can listen to as you talk to Jesus about this.
