The Twins are 1.
We did it. We made it to 1. As I sit back and think about what was happening exactly 1 year ago at this moment, my doctor was telling me that I wasn’t going home and that the boys were going to be born. The level of joy that I felt goes beyond explanation. I was relieved that my body wasn’t going to be in pain anymore, carrying the 2 was one of the hardest things I had ever done both physically and mentally. I was ready to hold my boys and begin our new chapter in our lives as a family of 5.
When I think about this past year so many different emotions arise. My mom asked me the other day, “Katie, can you believe they are 1? Didn’t it go by fast?” I stopped and had to think about that because the obvious answer would be, “I can’t believe they are 1 and yes time flew.” Surprisingly, that wasn’t my answer. I responded with something like, “Yes I can believe they are 1, and time didn’t fly…it was a hard, long wonderful year.” The demand that children immediately take on their parents lives is huge, whether you have 1 or 19. For me, going from 1 to 3 was not easy but it was a challenge I was glad to accept. From the moment we found out we were having twins we saw them as gifts from God. We won’t ever know why God decided to entrust us with 2 at the same time, but we are so incredibly grateful that He did. Every single one of my days are spent on the carpet watching and playing with my kids. Some may see that and think, “how easy” and some may think, “I would never want to do that” For me I have decided to make it my own personal classroom with the Lord. I have learned so much watching my daughter and sons each day. The more time I spend with them the more I realize how the Lord uses them to teach me about Himself. I have changed hundreds of diapers, wiped away thousands of tears, not slept, and it feels like I have not stopped breastfeeding since the day they were born. But honestly, I wouldn’t trade any of it.
The Lord has used my kids to teach me some of life’s most valuable lessons. He has used them to show me a part of God’s love that has left me speechless and completely surrendered to Jesus. The truth is, God has used my kids to completely change my life. Their need for me is a small comparison to my need for Him. My unconditional love for them is a small comparison of His unconditional love for me. Even though I am SO imperfect, Jesus still looks at me with love in His eyes and pleasure in His voice just as I constantly see my kids.
The phrase, “teamwork makes the dream work” could not be more of a reality for me during this time in my life. This last year would not have been successful if it wasn’t for 2 important people. Without a doubt my husband is a gift from Jesus. He not only serves me but our family well. He is such a “hands on” type of dad. He willingly changes diapers, babysits, feeds them… does anything and everything without complaining. His motivation is love and He displays it so well. He inspires me all of the time, and I am more in love with him today than ever before. Thank you Jonathan for everything you do for me and our family.
When people stop me in public and talk to me about having twins, and usually say something like, “wow, your hands are full,” I almost always point to my mom who is almost always holding the baby that I am not holding, and say something like, “I would be crazy without my mom.” She serves our family SO selflessly everyday. She always has a smile on her face, even on the toughest of days. I am extremely thankful that I have been able to experience the last year with her. There have been MANY instances where Jonathan and I have had our hands completely full with the twins and my mom steps in and shows Ellah the attention that we wish we could give her. We will never be able to show her our depth of gratitude and thankfulness, but I do pray that God gives her MORE than she could ever imagine. Mom, thank you. Your standard of positivity, kindness and loves constantly encourages me and drives me to be better.
I could be here typing all day about the many ups and downs of my journey as a mother. One big thing God did in my life when He gave me my boys is thrust me into a position of need for my Father. Not a day, not even an hour goes by where I’m not in some kind of communication with Him, whether I’m complaining or rejoicing, I’ve come to a place in life where I can’t do anything without Jesus. From the incredibly difficult moments when I feel like it can’t get any harder to the amazing moments of joy and love we share, I know beyond any shadow of doubt that Jesus has been with me through every single one. From holding my incredibly sick 6 month old at the hospital all the way to watching them discover the goodness of life and love, I can confidently say that I am stronger than I was a year ago. I have seen God do miracles this year for us physically and financially. I have seen God use my sons to teach me selflessness and patience. I have a lot to learn and I know I am in the beginning of my parenting journey, but I had to take a few minutes to rejoice. This year was wonderful and challenging all at the same time, but we made it. I sit here now, strong and thankful. When I look back at this last year, it undoubtedly brings me to tears because looking back at the hardships and victories brings me closer to my King.
Everyone is dealing with something. Everyone has some source of pain or hardship in their life, but when you purposefully include Jesus in the tough situations, the loneliness disappears and hope is found. I hope that even just a piece of this encourages someone. I hope that today you can find joy even in the hardship, cling to Jesus, and surrender your imperfect self to His perfect love.